The Secret to All Cusine

Because I am an old lady at heart, I recently watched Lasse Hallström's "The Hundred-Foot Journey" along with an audience whose sole drinking game consisted of taking a shot of Ensure anytime someone said "cardamom." Here's what I learned from the movie:

1. To cook you make ghosts -- mostly sea urchin ghosts. I don't know why this is relevant, as it is never brought up again.
2. English vegetables apparently have no soul
3. An entire family from India who speaks perfect, if heavily accented, English just happens to move to a small town in France where everyone speaks perfect, if heavily accented, English. How fortuitous!
4. No one in France, prior to the appearance of the Kedam family, had ever heard of any exotic spices, ever.
5. When in Northern France, near the Swiss border, it's a perfectly reasonable idea to have a restaurant with only outdoor seating. 
6. If you learn the five sauces of French cooking you can then become a culinary master within a year.
7. For a country known for surrendering the French have an unreasonably aggressive and bloody national anthem. 
8. Hassan's hands are impervious to having scalding hot soup poured into them by his mother, but are not so resistant to the contents of a molotov cocktail.
9. Molecular gastronomy is evil. Sugar coated beets and liquid nitrogen frozen foodstuffs takes away your soul, makes you drink, and causes you to blow off Michelin.

I can hardly wait for the sequel where Hassan does battle with Bibendum over the future of Le Saule Pleureur. It will inevitably be directed by Michael Bay.