The Problem with Crime Shows

I'm a big fan of crime shows. Dateline, 20/20, 48 Hours, whatever is on, I'm in! A few months back I discovered -- much to my delight -- that Investigation Discovery is part of my cable package, so my nightly fix is guaranteed. I think it boils down to the fact that I really love a good mystery.

But after watching an endless number of interviews with the victim's families (not to mention the crime stories on the nightly news) I've realized a sad trend. Every person who is interviewed about their missing or deceased family member always says the same thing -- the victim was either a) a good person or b) a person who was just on the edge of getting their life together. Likewise, with child and teen victims they were perpetually an honor student who helped old ladies cross the road in their spare time.

I can't help but feel that this isn't realistic. And, in fact, I think this is harmful and disrespectful to the victims. It's okay for the family or loved ones of a victim to say that this person wasn't an angel, but regardless of who they were, they were loved and their family grieves deeply for their loss. That is real; that is a human emotion. Arguing a person's inherent goodness as a reason they shouldn't be hurt misses the point entirely . . . they shouldn't be hurt.  Period. No one deserves to suffer unspeakable cruelties, regardless of whether they were a drug addicted prostitute or an honor student. To imply any different calls into question the fundamental worth of a human being.

One needs only use a simple decision matrix to know if you should feel sorry for the person being discussed: Is this person the one who committed the heinous crime? If no, then you may allow yourself to feel the full weight of loss suffered by their families and friends regardless of whether or not that person was "good."

Similarly it pains me to see people reading statements to a convicted murderer that extol the virtues of the deceased and point angry fingers at the killer. To be honest, the killer knows exactly what they've done and they don't care about how much you loved the person they took. Speak your peace to the judge, to the courtroom, to the media, but don't waste your breath on the killer, he (or she) doesn't deserve one more ounce of your attention.

Today, I read a story about a woman, Lydia Tillman, who was brutally attacked and just barely survived with her life. She was in a coma, and now can barely speak or write. At the sentencing for her attacker she said only three sentences: "Travis Forbes, you caused me no harm. My spirit, my soul and my mind remain untouched. May you find peace in this life." Though the truth of these sentences is debatable -- he caused her enormous harm, even to her spirit/soul/mind -- the sentiment that she wrote with great difficulty is the only way to address someone at a sentencing. You tell them know they failed. They are insignificant, they are cowards, and they are only satisfied if they make cowards of us all. Lydia Tillman was not afraid, and she will never be a coward.  God bless her and all those who have suffered, victims and family alike.