Anyway You Slice It, It's a Skirt

This morning, while commuting on the light rail line I saw a guilty looking man walking around in a kilt (or as we XX chromosome people like to call them, skirts). He had his head down, looking out the top of his eyes, giving me that pleading "don't judge me." Since he didn't stop to offer me a wee bit o' haggis or call me lassie I immediately commenced judging him. Judge judge judge. But then I thought, realistically, how could he know if wearing a kilt was acceptable or not?  Lucky for Mr. I'm-not-sure-if-I'm-Braveheart-or-Britney-Spears-in-Hit-Me-Baby-One-More-Time, I came up with a handy-dandy flow chart to determine whether his choice of clothing was okay.

Can I Wear A Kilt?

However, after creating this flow chart I realized, perhaps he can't read. After all, he wasn't aware that his choice of clothing was reserved to Scottish men and Catholic school girls.  So I decided to add some more helpful hints:

Acceptable:

Acceptable (and preferred) uses of a kilt

Unacceptable:

Let's be honest, the kilt isn't the issue here. Also, thank you HRH for keeping your knees together.

THE MOST UNACCEPTABLE:

This is a Tuxedo "Utilikilt"  . . . it costs $750.